George Burns

You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.  
George Burns

Grace Allen One liners

In the next life, I’d like to come back as an oyster. Then
I’d only have to be good from September to April.
George:  Gracie, what do you think of television?
Gracie:  Oh I think it’s wonderful, I hardly ever watch
radio anymore.

Lucille Ball

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.  
Lucille Ball

Grace Allen one liner

When I was born, I was so surprised I couldn’t talk for a
year and a half.

Grace Allen

Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school, I was
so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.

Woody Allen

I tended to place my wife under a pedestal. 
Woody Allen